How do negative emotions lead us into the trap of "change resistance" ?
Updated: Nov 14, 2022
and how Positive Intelligence ® can release us from this unhealthy trap
In the context work, when a team of people are facing Change, there can be a lot of resistance which can result in abandoning an idea from which everyone would have benefited in the long run. How might we overcome these fears and look at Change as a welcome gift for our personal growth?
What does Change mean ?
Change is about moving to a different place where you will be expected to do more or less of different things (some that you have never done before) and interact differently with different people (some of whom you have never met before). Change generates negative emotions as we feel that external forces are making us drift the unknown.
What can these emotions be like ?
These can be ANXIETY to see our performance drop, the anticipation of more work come or FEAR to be judged for the mistakes we might do. ANGER against one's self for not succeeding or against others for not complying. Even SHAME for not being "good enough" to cope while others appear to be fine (but are they really ?) or even GUILT leading to not wanting to admit the challenge and seek help from others.
As a consequence to all these negative feelings, we end up HATING IT and judging it as a very negative occurrence in our life. There is no judgement on my part here, only discernment that this is often the case.
What else is true about change?
Another truth is in what that Heraclitus wrote 500 BC: "The only constant in life is change". So this is not new. It's just the speed a which change occurs which has increased and since we hate it so much, we have created a lot a barriers around us to avoid it, one or which is to complain about it which puts Change on the top pedestal of our worst enemies. However, is that not overrating it a little ?
The amazing conundrum here is that most people who hate change also use the phrase: "I'll be happy when...." This narrative shows that deep inside there is always HOPE for something TO CHANGE.
As Change is a constant of life, let's face it, there is not destination. This is a journey that we will be walking all our life and therefore need to be fit for. To believe that "We will be happy when.... we will reach another destination!", and yet do nothing about it, is a lie which we tell ourselves and which ends up making us feel worse, leads to more anxiety, stress and even burnout.
Here is the trap
How might we convert the HOPE into the WILL to change, when we have been so negatively judging the idea of it ? Would that not be inauthentic, would it not lack integrity, what will people say ? Here it is. We are trapped in the self sabotage of our own emotions.
How to take take the helm and steer ourselves into the journey to avoid the trap.
As a good friend of mine would say: "Use what's there !"
The emotions: they are there to help us see that something is changing and encourage us to do something about it. That is their role: to inform us. While difficult, it is our choice if we decide to dwell into these negative emotions and remain in a hurtful place. Staying where it hurts is unproductive and does not help us to take clearheaded action. Acknowledging these emotions and begin compassionate and non judgmental towards ourselves and others is the first step to move forward. One way to step through them i